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Welcome To The Bullpen
Rodeo Show
By Shirley Utting
The rocky mountain rodeo
Is on the road once more
Giveing an amazing show
As lassoing bronco boys
Twirling guns from holsters
The crowd whistle and applaud
Running and jumping
Onto the horses back
Somersaulting around it
What an amazing act
Trotting around the arena
As they wave there hats
Cowboys and cowgirls
Teaming up together
Indians joining in
With all there coloured feathers
What a wonderful group they make
To watch is such a plesure
The show has come to an end
On the move once again
Used tickets on the ground
Spectators leave feeling very proud
Smileing faces as they head back home
Thanks to the rocky mountain rodeo.
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REVIEW 1
The intent of the poem is good and the pace is steady, but I did not
get the feeling I had been to a rodeo show. It seemed to be only a
list of things that happened somewhere. Don't tell me it was an
"amazing show," show me by describing the blazing speed of the
hands doing the pistol twirling; describe the applause - was it
deafening, did it sound like thunder? In describing an event, we must
remember that we are reporters; be true to that profession by answering
'who, what, when, where, why, how.' Grab the reader in the first line,
make them feel as if they were right there with you, don't let them go
until you are finished, then make sure the reader knows you are
finished - which this poem did well.
If the misspelling of words was intentional, the author should make
that intent more obvious; otherwise, a spellchecker or a proofreader
should be used.
Hope this is helpful. We all get caught up too much in our poems sometimes
and do not see its weaknesses, me for sure!
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