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Cowboy Poetry and Western Verse
The Bachelor
By Steve Dickson
'Round about a week ago
I rode into this town
Had a drink of whiskey
Then I just fell down
Woke up in a dingy room
Next to me a girl
She was way too close to me
My toes began to curl
I tried to rise, she grabbed me
I had no place to go
She looked just like the south end
Of a northbound buffalo
'Ma'am there must be some mistake
How did I wind up here?
I rode in after roundup
Now things to me ain't clear
She grinned at me and I saw
Just three teeth in her head
To look her in that one good eye
Just filled me up with dread
As she strapped on her wooden leg
Then shaved her mustache dry
She started tellin' me some things
That made me want to cry
'My daddy is the sheriff
And he owns the saloon
He's also justice of the peace
So we'll be married soon
I've been looking quite some time
To find myself a man
I seen you ride right into town
So quick to pa I ran
When you strolled in and took a seat
To have yourself a drink
I was hiding in the back
And gave old pa a wink
He put a pinch of powder
Into your shot of rye
Weren't long before you passed out
And I was standing by
Now here you are and we'll be wed
In just a day or two
We're waiting for the kin to come
You'd better well be true'
I tried to run, she's faster
Much stronger than I thought
She tied me in a dozen knots
Even though I fought
Two days later next I had
A shotgun at my head
I was surely wishing
That soon I would be dead
Every day I try to run
And do my best to hide
There is just no getting past
My terrible new bride
Now fellers here's a lesson
I hope will make you think
When setting at a brand new bar
Best beware of what you drink
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